posted on August 2, 2009 in Travel

She was a nice girl. It was a warm Sunday, I was sat in the garden and had contemplated it for some time. I made the decision. I was going to try not to Geoff this one up. I wouldn’t forget to text her, I wouldn’t text her at 3am and I wouldn’t forget her name. This one would go well. I sent her a text asking if she would like to go out.

Five minutes later my phone rumbled. I slid the display open.

“Hiya, really sorry but there’s a chance of something happening with someone I’ve liked for ages so don’t think I can see you any more. Hope you understand. x”

I winced and paused a moment. There was perhaps some irony or karma in the situation, but whatever, the dating forecast had gone from good to moderate, occasionally poor. I deleted the number and clicked the phone shut. It was time to get away…

Mark and I arrived in Lanzarote late on the Sunday. The guys at Active Adventures had been very accomodating to our last minute jaunt. The transfer took us to Costa Teguise and Greg the holiday rep met us at the El Guarapo apartments. He ran through the usual bits and then added “And there’s five 28 year old girls coming tomorrow, so yeah, looks like a good group of people.”

Mark and I lay in our respective (that means separate) beds. Before going to sleep I made a wish.

“Dear Jesus, or whoever, please can you fix it for us so that tomorrow at least 2 of these 5 girls are hot, because there’s two of us, so if there were two hot girls that would be awesome. Uh, Amen.”

Mark laughed.

Day 1

We went windsurfing. The French instructor called me ‘Cary’. Mark fell in a lot.

Costa Teguise Lanzarote

That evening we went down to Poco Loco to meet the rest of the holidaying group. Woah, whatever I had asked for the previous evening had worked. A mixed group of people, but with a noticeable leaning towards the female persuasion. Mark may have laughed, but my blasphemous request had worked. We went out for food and drinks with the group and pretended to be nice people.

That evening with Mark and myself lying in bed (not the same bed), I decided to push my luck. “Thanks for everything today, but it would really be awesome if maybe tomorrow you could get even more girls down. Thanks.” I had a good feeling about this.

Day 2

We went suba diving. I touched a sea slug. Mark did too.

It was one of the girls birthdays so about 14 of us were sat in the restaurant. The birthday girl mentioned that a couple of German girls from her surf school might be joining us. At the end of the meal the 2 German girls turn up. Crumbs, I couldn’t believe it. Two more hot girls. “Mark,” I said across the table “This is getting silly. Tonight I think I’m going to ask for a million Euros.”
Mark laughed.

Active Adventure holiday group

That evening things progressed and the group went on for cocktails and sparkly drinks until eventually we end up in a club called Coyotes. Several cocktails better for wear, I decide to impress the Germans with my linguistic skills.
“Oh, hey, I know some German.” I paused for effect before beginning:  “Eins! Zwei!… Err…” The second pause was not for effect.
Mark charged in: “drei vier fünf sechs sieben acht neun zehn!”
“Damnit Mark, I was trying to impress them!”
No matter, I had more words I could shower on them for I had spoken to Germans before.
“I know another word!” I said, and concentrated really hard trying to recall whatever it was that German guy had taught me. They looked at me expectantly. I racked my brain ‘apple, something, bahnhoff, achtung?’, try as I might I couldn’t remember it.


I went off to the bar.

I returned with an armful of beer having being somewhat baffled by the 4 for 2 offer they had on. I managed to rekindle conversation with one of the Germans, Yvonne. I started extolling the virtues of Manchester (mainly that I was there) and asked when I could expect her to come over. Her answer seemed vague but she was probably just struggling to find the English words ‘I’ll be on the next plane!’. Either that or ‘please leave me alone’. I think I touched her back but I may have been reaching for one of the many beers I had on the go around the club. Some time after this photo things get a bit hazy.

Coyotes Costa Teguise

I can remember having to climb back into the apartment complex because the door had a stupid complex key code that only Einstein could possibly remember, but I did make it into my own bed (not Marks).

Day 3

We went surfing. The French instructor called me ‘Kee-ree-un’. Mark said it was ‘the best hangover cure’.

It might’ve helped that we saw Yvonne in a wet suit.

Day 4

We went suba diving again. I found it hard to ‘equalize’. Mark said the same.

In the evening we met up with the group again. Unbelievably the group had swelled again to include 2 more new hot girls. Again these ones had arrived part way through a meal. Mark and I had been sat apart on the table but immediately we looked at each other and just laughed. It was getting daft now.

I realised I needed to talk to these new girls. I caught up with them on the way to the next bar.

Me: “So how do you guys know each other?”
Girl 1: “We’re on the same hockey team.”
Me: “Oh, is that at University?”
Girl 1: “No! I’m going to University in September.”
Me: “Woah”
Girl 2: “And I’m still in school.”
Me: “So you guys are…?”
Girl 1: “Eighteen.”
Girl 2: “And seventeen.”
I would need the fingers on both my hands to calculate the age difference.

Lanzarote Active Adventure girls

Day 5

Day off

We met up with Original Girls to play cards and play in the pool and generally relax and have a fun time.

On the walk back to our apartment I turned to Mark.

“Mark I’ve been thinking”
“No, seriously. I was thinking this afternoon, that it’s just been nice hasn’t it, to hang out with the girls? I mean instead of just being around guys all the time. I think we need more friends who are girls, rather than just dudes. Even our token female friend,”
“yes, even she’s got a fella now so she can’t come out to play so much. We’ll have to make a concerted effort when we get back to make some more.”
I think Mark agreed.

Day 6

We went mountain biking. I decided it was not the best hangover cure. Mark fell off.

The mountain biking pretty much raided us out. We flaked out on the beach to recover for the coming nights inevitable shennanigans.

We met at the girl’s apartment. It was a veritable who’s who from the previous 5 nights. Original Girls were there, Dr Girl was there, German Girls were there, Young Girls were there. And Mark and I were there too. And there was a well stocked table of drinks. I knew I would look back as I sat there and remember what a great thing it was to be there at that exact point in space and time.

The load of us got taxis to a night club that had been set into the rock somehow. It was a maze of tunnels and walkways until you round a corner to find the main cove replete with bar, DJ and sexy dancing.

Club in the Caves Lanzarote

I found Yvonne again. I had consumed some rum. “So, are you still coming to Manchester?”
“Mm, I don’t know” she said. Guess she was still looking for the right words. It was just then that I suddenly remembered.
“The apfelkuchen?” she looked puzzled. I could tell she was impressed. Pleased with my revelation I bumped off into the crowd again. Yvonne turned to Mark and gestured into my direction. She shook her head “He ist drunken again…”

Dancing in the cave club

After this I bumbled about and had some more drinks and danced a bit and generally had a great time. The evening progressed and gradually people left and at the evening’s conclusion, at some obscure hour it was just Mark, me and the Young Girls. I guess they were still there because they are young and have stamina. Mark and I were there because there were 2 Young Girls there.

The four of us shared a taxi back. Someone decided it would be good to go to the beach. I wasn’t going to disagree. As we walked across the sand the two girls took off together and skipped down to play in the surf. I turned to Mark and in an unusual moment of clarity said “That is the hottest thing I have ever seen.”

And it was. But it wasn’t all about that. It had been a great week. An awesome week. Ok, so during the week I had been berated for the Pimp Wagon, my Casio watch (despite it now being proven to a depth of 12 metres), my dubious arithmetical skills and my knowledge (or lack thereof) of all the 80s references my T-shirts were making. But that’s ok because I think that’s a Canadian way of being friendly. In fact all the people we met had been great and friendly and active, which I think can make a difference. This holiday receives the Awesome Flavour award.

Costa Teguise sea front

I’ve yet to hear from Yvonne.


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