Threesome

posted on December 20, 2005 in Stuff

On a Wednesday Kingdom is full of losers and promiscuous girls. Naturally we both really wanted to go. Unfortunately we had no tickets. So, to the Leadmobile!

Brady and myself grabbed some drinks and surveyed the territory. It was early in the night, a steady flow of people were entering, the music was loud and the floor was sticky. It felt good. We were stood chatting when a girl comes over.

“Hi, why don’t you come over and talk to my friend, she’s the blonde one over on the seats.”

Girl was a bit of a monster, but the Bible says ‘thou shalt not smite monsters’ or some such, plus I figured monster’s friend might be hot. Brady nodded at me.

“Uh, ok, yeah, we’ll, uh, be over in a minute.” I have a way with words.

I turned to Brady, “Look if the blonde one is anything like that one, I will poke your leg and you say

something about getting a drink and we’ll dissappear.”

Brady laughed, “Yeah, whatever…”

We went over to the seats and slid into place opposite monster and Blonde Girl. Now, to be fair Blonde Girl wouldn’t be too bad. From about 10 metres. Behind a wall. Everyone deserves a chance though, so I thought I’d see what the deal was.

Me “So, what do you do then?”

Her “I’m a nurse.”

Me “Cool, so whats that like?”

Her “S’ok.”

Me “Ok.”

Her “…”

Me “So, um, what are you into?”

Her “Err..”

Me “Like, er, music, what music do you like?”

Her “Different stuff.”

Jeez, I could see our kids now, “Daddy, I did an icky again!”

“Christ son you’re fifteen.”

Monster decided she wanted a photo of Brady and myself. Presumably it was to stick in her cellar after she’d dismembered our corpses. Brady returned the favour with his camera phone but sadly deleted the photo before I could get a hold of it. At this point I decided to call a halt to proceedings: “So, we’re just going to hit the bar and get some more drinks, we might see you later.” HMM, LIKELY. Brady and myself get up and head towards the bar in the second room. I snaked my way towards the other room when Brady called from just behind, “Dude! They’re following us.”

“What? Ok, don’t make eye contact, just keep walking.”

I walked through the entrance to the second room and deftly stepped to the right, trying to look non chalante as I flattened against the wall. I nabbed Brady and as planned the girls walked in and straight past.

Phew.

Half an hour later.

“HI GUYS!”

Oh crud. “Hi.”

Monster engaged me in conversation.

Jabba the Girl

“So, do you like my blonde friend?”

“Well, I, err, I’m sure she’s a nice girl.”

“I think you should get in there with her.”

“Mmkay…”

“Hey, are you tired?”

What the heck kind of question was this? It had bearly gone eleven, I still had 3 hours in which to get drunk and embarass myself, tiredness was not an issue.

“No. I think I’m good.”

“Why don’t you come back with me and blonde girl?”

I peered over to Brady who was trying to make polite conversation with Blonde Girl (good luck), and tried to alert him to the danger.

“I think we’ll stay here.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Go on.”

“Have you ever had a threesome?”

I think some beer went down my nose.

“Because you could come back with me and Blonde Girl.”

And then the clincher.

“I have melted chocolate.”

“Oh God!”

Brady and Blonde Girl had turned towards us, aware of my increasingly nervous responses.

“Yes, you should definitely come back, I think you’d like it.”

“Look I don’t really-”

“Oh come on, it’ll be great.”

“No, I think-”

“COME ON, we can go now.”

“LISTEN I-”

“Come on, this is a once in a lifetime experience…”

“Yeah, and so’s getting shot in the face!”

We didn’t see them again